Saving A Marriage

Saving A MarriageSaving a marriage isn’t going to be easy, but in many cases, it can be a lot less complicated than some think.

It requires quite a bit of effort, but if both of you are willing to put in the work, the end result can turn out much better than you ever thought possible.

Before you throw in the towel or lose hope, try the following 10 “tips on saving a marriage” to turn your marriage around for the better.

Tips on Saving a Marriage:

Don’t get yourself worked up

Feeling like your marriage is in limbo is obviously not your ideal, but this is the time when you have to remain as calm as possible and not get yourself worked up.

There are many who start to lose their rationality once they feel as though something is slipping out of their fingers, and you don’t want to be one of them.

You want to focus on how to make it right, keep calm, and not what could go wrong.

Listen to your partner

A marriage is about working as a team, and saving a marriage is no different. This means it’s not all about what one person wants over the other.

Many focus so much on getting their point across that they forget to listen to their partner, so while you’re doing that, he’s not listening either because he’s trying to get his thoughts in, so essentially, no one is being heard and you’re going around in circles.

Saving a marriage requires both parties focusing on what the other is saying and really hearing what the other has to say.

Express yourself appropriately

When you’re talking to your spouse, it’s a must that you express yourself appropriately if you want to be heard and get results.

For example, instead of using “you” language, such as “you always do this” or “you always do that,” say “I feel hurt when…” It’s much more effective and less accusatory way to get your point across.

Put it in writing

Saving a marriage doesn’t require you to be verbal.

If you’re someone who isn’t particularly great at verbalizing all of your thoughts, don’t hesitate to write down what you’re thinking. Sometimes words can get jumbled and come out the wrong way, especially when you’re upset or feel put on the spot, and writing it out can make a world of difference.

Write your spouse a note and tell him how you feel if you must, whether or not you’re expressing positive or negative feelings.

Implement changes

You and your spouse verbalizing your wants and needs is a great step for saving a marriage (yours), but there needs to be much more than that.

Once you know where the other stands, you actually have to implement the changes. If you don’t, nothing is going to get better, and one is going to feel resentful of the other for saying they’ll make the changes and then not actually doing so.

Keep in mind that you have to be conscious at all times of what you’re doing and not just have it be a temporary fix.

Be patient

Saving a marriage isn’t going to happen overnight, regardless of how much you want it to. You may notice or two quick, subtle changes, but overall, they’re going to happen over time not only from your spouse, but within yourself as well.

Sometimes it can take awhile to break habits and get things on track. Be patient and don’t lose hope.

Offer more thanks and praise

Saving a marriage isn’t always about expressing what’s been going wrong, but often, a big part of the process is saying more about the good that’s being done.

There are many who feel taken for granted by their partners, and a lot of it is due to a simple lack of saying “thank you.”

For example, if your husband does the dishes, thank him for helping you out. When he gets home from work, tell him you’re proud of him and appreciate how hard he works.

It’s incredible how a seemingly simple sentence can change someone’s attitude.

Pretend your mother is listening

Your mother…his mother…your kids – pretend someone of significance is listening in the next room to what you say.

What exactly does this have to do with improving things between you and your spouse? Many get into a habit of saying things to their partner or acting a certain way that they would never consider saying or doing if someone else was around.

The next time you and your spouse start to strongly discuss a particular situation, talk to him as if someone was listening to every word you say.

Talk to a professional

There are some couples who simply get stuck and don’t know what to do, and in that case, saving a marriage may require bringing in a third party.

Talking to a therapist can be extremely beneficial, not only as a couple, but individually. It can allow both of you to get a neutral perspective, and really start to look at things from a different angle.

There’s no shame in talking to a therapist. In some cases, it can mean the difference between continuing on together or getting a divorce.

Be consistent

It’s great if you make changes, but they’re not something you can do temporarily and then just stop. The changes, from the way you talk to how you act, have to be consistent. You both have to be willing to make them for the long term.

The more committed you and your spouse are to sticking with the changes, the more likely it is that your marriage will make it through the other side.

It’s not easy to admit what you do wrong, and it’s not easy for your spouse to do so either, which is exactly why both of you need to have respect for the simple act of trying in the first place.

Think positively instead of looking behind you.

When you focus on the good that can come with positive changes, saving a marriage can be completely worth the work and effort rather than seem like an exhausting process.

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