How To Start A Relationship As You Mean To Go On

How To Start A RelationshipStart as you mean to go on. It is a common phrase that few of us ever stop to really consider. Put simply it means start things at the beginning as you intend to continue them into the future. This is how to start a relationship that will be healthy, functional and long lasting.

At the beginning of a relationship there are so many thoughts swimming through your mind. You wonder how the other person feels about you, if this person is your future. That type of analyzing is exactly how to start a relationship with an eye toward the future. But you need to forget the things you’ve seen in movies and some of those best-selling self-help books. There are no hard and fast “rules” and he or she just might be that into you. There’s no way to know other than, you know, being straight forward about it.

If you’re tired of casual dating and bad relationships, keeping reading to learn how to start a relationship as you mean to go on.

Be Vulnerable

You’ve been hurt in the past. We all have, but if want to know how to start a relationship that has future potential you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable. This doesn’t mean you should bear your soul to your new partner the first weekend you spend together. Not at all. But you should avoid the temptation to keep your guard up at all times on the off chance that you’ll get hurt.

This is the exact opposite of how to start a relationship as you mean to go on. Letting your anxiety or old defense mechanisms kick in immediately after you’ve been vulnerable will sour your relationship before it has a chance to really get going. The best part about opening up to someone is when you know you can be your crazy, goofy, emotional self without fear.

If you refuse to be vulnerable now, your walls will become fortified in the future. It will be harder than ever for your partner to break through your emotional barriers, until they simply stop trying.

Don’t Play Games

It may be cute to play ridiculous relationship games when you’re in your 20’s but as you get older it gets less so. When you are looking for a long-lasting relationship these types of games won’t achieve your goals. Learning how to start a relationship on the right foot means forgetting you’ve ever learned these crazy games.

If you want to know something, ask your partner. If you want to talk to them, call them. If you want to let them know you had an amazing date, tell them. Don’t let these so-called dating rules dictate how you should act. These types of games serve one purpose; to foster insecurity. If you can’t be straight forward about your feelings and expect the same in return, this isn’t an adult relationship with a bright future.

We all know by now how critical good communication is to a well-balanced and happy relationship, right? So why play games that purposefully lead to miscommunication and confusion? Do you want to be playing these same silly games when you’re 40?

Let Action Be Evidence Of Character

There are tons of relationship red flags out there if we want to see them. The key word here is if because we often try to defend bad behavior or rationalize it away. This is an important part of learning how to start a relationship as you mean to go on because it sets precedence for what you will and won’t accept.

If your new partner disrespects you, threatens you, verbally or physically abuses you or simply lets you down time and again, let that be the real evidence of their character. Don’t defend them—to yourself or your loved ones—that he or she really loves you or is a really great person. What a person does and how they act from one day to the next is the best evidence of their character you can possibly get. If you’re always making excuses for them today, you will continue to make excuses as the behavior worsens.

Don’t Solve Problems With Sex

Sex is great for relieving tension and stress. It is even amazing exercise. But what sex is not is a problem-solver. While sex does help some people open themselves up emotionally, that does not mean it will in any way fix problems in your relationship.

You know how to start a relationship and you know that using sex to solve your problems in the early days is a surefire guarantee that you will use it later in the relationship too. The problem is that sex acts as a place-holder for problems. You’ve basically decided to bury your head in the sand (or the sheets!) and put off discussing and fixing problems in favor of an orgasm.

But when those last quivers subside, the problems will still be there.

How To Start A Relationship With Yourself

Before you can know how to start a relationship with an eye toward the future you have to know who you are in a relationship. That means knowing and understanding your emotional needs, sexual needs and relationship goals. If you don’t know these things about yourself then you can’t possibly expect another person to know them and respond to them.

You need to know and be able to voice your wants and needs if you want to learn how to start a relationship the way you plan to continue it. If you can’t discuss your emotional and sexual needs with your partner today, it will only become harder later.

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