How To Fix Your Marriage In 5 Easy Steps

How To Fix Your MarriageWhen you have taken the vows of love and acceptance and start to share your life with someone, let’s just say it is a big undertaking. The ins and outs of married life can become stressful and learning how to fix your marriage before it becomes an overwhelming problem is something all couples will have to endure. It is unrealistic to assume that your “perfect marriage” will be without disagreements, stress and general problems. The issue isn’t the problems; it is how you tackle the problems that determine the strength of your marriage.

Before you let these basic problems corrode and fester until they become unbearably large and harder to deal with, face them head on and fix your marriage while it still can be fixed.

Cooperative Decision-Making

One of the biggest problems couples have is that they see every disagreement as a battle that must be won. But wouldn’t it better if it were a win-win situation? When learning how to fix a marriage it is important to think about what the other person wants and how plans can be rearranged to please both of you.

If you stop thinking in terms of the ‘win’ you could start thinking in terms of the ‘win-win’ which would strengthen your relationship because it shows your partner you are willing to listen and be flexible.

Next time you have a disagreement—about anything—express your concerns and listen to your partner’s concerns. Then you can come together and make a decision that takes those concerns into account. Both of you will have to compromise but neither of you will be totally disappointed.

Shift Focus Away From The Negative

One of the things everyone must learn about how to fix a marriage is to let go of the negativity. We’re all guilty of focusing only on the bad. We focus on the one time our partner forget a special event or holiday, the time he or she was late for a special dinner or those socks that are constantly lying on the floor. We spend so much time focusing on this negative stuff that we forget about the good parts.

We forget about the time we were surprised with a picnic or a night on the town or a weekend at a bed & breakfast.

The problem with only remembering the negative is that it taints all the positive of this relationship. Sure it’s understandable that you get frustrated on occasion, but why do those few frustrations have to overshadow the good stuff? If you want to keep your marriage on track then you have to learn to deal with the negative and let it go. Bringing it up every time you’re upset isn’t going to help your relationship improve, is it?

Fix Yourself

You have to be careful when you want to figure out how to fix your marriage, that you don’t focus solely on how to fix your partner. One of the worst things you can do is pretend as if you’re perfect and without flaws in one breath, and creating a laundry list of problems and behaviors your partner needs to fix. Not only is it condescending and egotistical, but it will have the reverse effect of fixing your marriage.

It is perfectly acceptable for you to make suggestions to your partner but you should be placing yourself under that same microscope. Do you think you could be more understanding of your mate’s problems at the office or could you make an effort to not let your black cloud overshadow your partner’s success? Before you start telling someone else about their flaws you should be aware of your own.

The side benefit of focusing on yourself is that when you both grow together, the relationship is stronger. If you don’t believe me, consider those relationships where one partner helps the other “fix him or herself” without focusing on themselves. What happens? Well the partner that has been “fixed” feels as though they have moved forward and changed while the other partner has not and they grow apart.

Avoid The Three A’s

It is a widely accepted fact that there are so called deal breakers in relationships and they usually fall into one of these three categories: anger, affairs and addiction. If your relationship has one of these you need to learn how to fix your marriage immediately.

The best way to fix a marriage is to avoid falling into any of these A’s. We can fix negativity, collaboration and even growing as people. But often trying to fix or overcome anger or addiction or an affair is a losing battle.

Look To Other Marriages

One of the best ways to learn how to fix your marriage is to figure out what you are willing to accept and what you are not. Look to the marriages of your parents, grandparents and friends. Look at the successes and the failures and decide how to apply those to your own marriages.

Those who grow up witnessing a stable functional marriage tend to be better at solving problems, but often those who grew up watching bad marriages learn what not to do which is just as important. Use these marriages as learning tools to help you figure out how to fix the small problems in your marriage before they become big problems.

When you and your partner learn how to talk to one another like adults and really listen you will find that fixing your marriage is much easier than your divorced friends make it sound.

Good luck!

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