First Year Of Marriage – Surviving The Problems

First Year Of Marriage - Surviving The ProblemsThere’s a reason they say the first year of marriage is the hardest. A few months into it might be great, but once that initial honeymoon stage wears off, marriage problems can seem to come out of nowhere.

It’s going to be the first time your marriage is tested, and may even be the first time your relationship as a whole has been tested.

However, the key is to be aware of the impending changes and adjustments, and be as patient and understanding as you can to get through it. So what are the most common first year of marriage problems and how can you get through them?

Balancing holidays and special occasions

It’s one thing when you’re trying to figure out holidays and special occasions when you’re dating, but it’s a whole different level when you’re married. Not only do you have friends and work to worry about, but you also have your families.

Everyone wants to see you, and chances are there’s going to be at least one relative who’s going to develop an attitude because of how one or both of you chose to divide your time. The key to handling it is compromise. It depends on the circumstances, but it’s very unlikely everyone is going to be happy in this situation, so work together to balance as much as possible.

Dealing with in-laws

Dealing with in-laws is one of the problems many face in the first year of marriage problems. Your other half’s parents go to a whole new level once you get married. Suddenly, they’re interfering in your business more than before, and if you have kids; it’s even worse!

If your spouse is ignoring their parent’s repeated efforts to get the two of you to come visit, you’re next in line to hear it.

This alone causes divorce in the first year of marriage. So what’s the key to dealing with in-laws? Each of you has to set boundaries with your own parents to prevent problems from even starting in the first place.

Merging money

When you’re dating, each of you has your own bank accounts. That’s probably going to change when you’re married. It’s when you really start discovering each other’s dirty little money secrets. There’s a few ways to prevent money topics from becoming a major problem in the first year of marriage.

The first; is to feel comfortable talking to each other about money, and the second is to have three different bank accounts: One for you, one for your spouse, and one for both of you. Additionally, should you decide to have one joint bank account, make sure only one person and not both of you are managing it.

Learning to live together

If you haven’t already lived together before, be prepared for it to be one of your problems in the first year marriage. It’s a huge adjustment to go from “in a relationship” to “married” as it is, but when you’re throwing a new roommate into the mix it’s a lot to handle. Even if you’ve stayed together before but you still had your own respective homes, there’s a lot of stress that can come with it.

The secret is to talk about it before you actually move in together and continue to do so when you live together. It’s a key component to surviving the first year of marriage. There’s going to be an adjustment period, but you’re going to have to work as a team and talk to each other if you want to stay on track.

Housework expectations

Another one of those first year of marriage problems is who’s going to handle what chores around the home. This should be relatively easy if you’ve already lived together, but if not, break out the pen and paper.

It’s time to make a list of what each of you is going to be responsible for from doing the laundry and shoveling the snow, to doing the dishes and taking out the garbage. This doesn’t mean that every once in awhile you won’t help each other out with a particular chore if something comes up, but for the most part, you should try to stick to the list as much as possible.

Changes in sex life

The sex life is going to change, and it’s another problem in the first year marriage that couples think will never happen to them, but it usually does. Have expectations that it will likely occur, however, that doesn’t mean it’s time to toss the lingerie. The two of you have to work on keeping things interesting.

For example, don’t always let your spouse initiate, don’t always do the same positions, and don’t constantly wear boring pajamas. You may not have sex as often as you did, but that doesn’t mean what you do have has to be mundane or predictable. A little change in the bedroom can keep things spicy.

What happens in the “off” hours

One of the biggest problems in the first year of marriage is how to handle what you do in the off hours, especially when it comes to how often each of you goes out with friends. There are many who expect things to change once there’s a ring on the finger.

For example; a guy may have his weekly poker night, but once he says: “I do”, his new wife may expect him to cut it out. Or she may go to drinks with the girls every Tuesday night, and her husband may suddenly be against it.

There’s nothing wrong with spending a few hours apart when you’re not working. In fact, it may allow your partner to miss you even more. A little breathing room is a good thing if you trust each other.

The first year of marriage may be one of the toughest, but that doesn’t mean first year marriage problems have to be detrimental. Talk to each other, work together as a team, and compromise. As important as your feelings are; it’s not always about you! It’s definitely not always about being right. When you’re more receptive to each other’s needs, that’s when things really start coming together and key to surviving the first year of marriage.

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