Communication In Marriage – Five Top Tips

Communication in marriage 5 top tipsAfter awhile, some couples find that communication in marriage goes down the drain.

A lot of it has to do with the fact that they assume it’s going to happen naturally, that their spouse is going to know how to properly express themselves in every situation and know what they’re thinking at all times.

There are also those who assume that regardless of how little they communicate, their spouse is just going to stick around for the long haul.

Marriage takes work, and a huge part of that is proper communication. Whether you’re having trouble with communication in marriage or just want to prevent them from happening, there are several starting tips to keep in mind that can keep things on track.

Ask with reason. Did you ever ask your spouse to do something and they just didn’t do it?

So you ask again, and again, until one of you mentions the word “nagging.” One of the reasons this happens is because the person will ask the other to do something without giving a reason, and “Because I asked” really is just not a good response.

Proper communication in marriage is essential. Sometimes the other person will think you’re asking simply because you don’t feel like doing it and/or you’re taking advantage.

If you want something done, phrase it the right way. For example, instead of saying, “Can you carry that box upstairs and put it on the shelf?,” say, “My back is bothering me today. Would you mind bringing that box upstairs and putting it on the shelf?”.

You’d be surprised how big of a difference that small change in wording can make.

 Express your appreciation. When you’re with your spouse long enough, it’s easy to get into a mind frame where you think they should automatically know how appreciated they are and how much they’re loved without having to say it.

Don’t make that mistake. Part of excellent communication in marriage is letting your spouse know they’re valued. Say “thank you” when they do something nice for you and say “I love you” at least once a day.

A little light bragging to your loved ones where your spouse will find out about it doesn’t hurt either. Don’t let words go unsaid when you might not get a chance to say them later on.

 Argue correctly. One of the biggest issues with communication in a marriage is that couples forget how to have an argument the right way, or if they do, they just forgo the tactics and go full force.

This is going to cause more problems than you can imagine.

Never bash your spouse or call them names, avoid using accusatory words such as “You never,” and instead state how you feel, and if you feel yourself getting worked up, stop and let your spouse know you need a time out to compose yourself so you can talk about things in a calm and healthy manner.

 Fully express yourself. You can’t assume your spouse is a mind reader because you’ve been together for awhile.

You still have to state when you’re displeased with something so long as you pick your battles and express yourself in a proper way.

When you want something, don’t sit around dropping hints and being passive aggressive.

Your spouse is probably not going to pick up on it, and your upset and angry is only going to get worse because your hints aren’t being acknowledged. Having proper communication in marriage means clearly stating what you want and you’ll be more likely to get it.

Don’t shut down. One of the worst things you can do if you’re trying to achieve good communication in marriage is to shut down when you’re upset with your partner.

It’s almost as if you’re putting a giant physical wall between the two of you that the other is not going to be able to climb. It’s likely you’ve been developing this habit for awhile, if not since you were a child, but you have to break it if you want a successful, healthy relationship.

It’s okay to be angry and upset, but you can’t take it to the extreme. Taking a breather for a few moments, even a few hours, is one thing, but punishing your spouse with a long period of silence is another.

 State the obvious. It’s one of the best ways to improve communication in marriage that seems utterly ridiculous.

Your spouse should just know certain things or assume right?


Stating things you figure your spouse should just know can add a big boost to your relationship. For example, if your spouse is in a bad day, you’re probably assuming they know you’re there if you need to talk.

However, saying “I’m sorry you’re in a bad mood. I’m here if you want to talk about it” rather than not saying anything or nagging can automatically change their mood and actually make them want to open up more.

Don’t over-communicate. This may sound like counterproductive advice in an article about communication in marriage, but what it means is that you don’t always have to say what’s on your mind.

Just like you have to choose your battles, you should choose your words as well, and not all of them need to be spoken.

For example, if your spouse is driving you completely nuts and you have some choice words you could say, keep them to yourself. Instead, just tell your spouse that you’re upset and need a little time to yourself to calm down.

Once communication in marriage starts going downhill, it doesn’t mean that the union is damaged and irreparable.

Often, all it takes is the willingness to put in the work to turn things around and make the positive changes that can last a lifetime.

You’re going to hit some bumps in the road, but no one and no couple is perfect. Just keep going and before long, you’ll likely be surprised just how far you’ve come in your communication skills.

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